A Day to Forget
by WolfNightV4X1
Summary: Another Meuloz fanfiction where Meulin becomes deaf and Kurloz mute. With my own headcanon for the story. Some Nepkat. Major sadstuck. :O( :((
1. Meulin Tells her Tail

( Alright, so Meulin and Nepeta are having a super close moment as a start off to the story. I'm not too familiar with the alpha timeline trolls so forgive me if I get Meulin or Kurloz's personalities wrong. Thus far, I see Meulin as more outgoing and louder than Nepeta is, whereas Nepeta is friendly and outgoing but a bit more shy than her dancestor; if you read on I've illustrated this in the writing through their conversation. Again, no idea if it's truly canon, just mah headcanons :PP)

I laughed excitedly along with my adorable little dancestor for the hundredth time today. Nepeta giggled as she said "I know right, they are pawsitively adorable together! I ship them so much!", I watched as she clenched her fingers close to her heart and mewled happily.

We sat on the bow of the ship as the sunset made the water glisten and continued to discuss our favorite…ships…you know, the relationship kind. "So, if you could make any ship possible, what would it be?" I tilted my head and gave Nepeta a slight smile as I watched for her reaction. She thought about the question for a moment, her eyes staring blankly into space. She blushed and her excited hands dropped to her lap, she twitched her tail nervously "Well…um…", I noticed the question breached into personal ground and she was reluctant to complete her sentence. My hand touched her arm and squeezed reassuringly "Don't get your whiskers in a knot, Nep, you can tell me anything, I pawmise". Nepeta looked at me gratefully and sighed deeply.

"Well, okay" she paused for a moment looking off into the distance, then her eyes focused on mine, "I haven't told anyone this before but…well, I want Karkat to be my matespurrite". I blinked, shocked on so many levels. First of all, I felt deeply touched that my dancestor would confide in me for something that seemed to bother her so much. Then I roused my memory for the troll that was Kankri's dancestor, and I have to admit I wasn't expecting it. But now that I think of it, the way she acts around him it was pretty obvious all along.

"Oh, the hissy-fit guy? He's puretty high-strung. But I can see how you like him, he has a good heart. Not to mention he's super cute" I squeed excitedly as soon as I said the last part. I could feel my body tingle just thinking of sweet Nepeta and that tsundere boy as a couple. I looked at Nepeta, and she blushed as that sweet smile crossed her face. I knew I made her feel better. However, she decided to change the subject anyways. "So, do you have a special someone?" She asked me.

I clenched my teeth and noticed my tail droop slightly, but I regained my composure hoping she didn't notice. I smiled "No. Not anymore. It was a while ago". Nepeta tilted her head , she must have noticed the momentary lapse in my candor. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to Meulin, I don't mind". I laughed and ruffled her hair with my hand "What makes you think I'd hold any infurmation from you? That would make me a hypawcrite, now wouldn't it?" Nepeta broke into a smile, "Well, if you're okay with it, then please tell me" I stretched my arms in the air, this was going to be a tense ordeal.

I nodded "Okay, but I must warn you, the feels are just too much, and it's not the good kind either. You sure you want me to tell you my sad tail?" I said it as playfully as I could, but I was already uneasy at the memory of my past. Nepeta looked at me a moment, her eyes were round as she thought about the implications, she nodded in reply "Yes, I want to know. Tell me what happened". I sighed, that's exactly what I wanted to hear and hated to hear at the same time. This will be the first time I've breached this memory in a long time. A moment of silence followed, (and by silence I meant a hiatus in conversation, considering I can't actually hear anything anyways), the boat rocked as the waves crashed against the hull of the creaking wooden ship. The scent of seawater wafted in the air. I took one big gulp of air and told my dancestor everything.


	2. Meulin's POV

(The second chapter, First person with Meulin telling her part. This is where tears start to form, so try not to cry, because there is still more to come...[unless I'm a bad storyteller in which case I'll probably have to try harder]

Oh yeah, one more thing, remember trolls are nocturnal so they went to sleep in what would be the morning [They still sleep in darkness, though]. But yeah, other than that, I hope you enjoy ^_^)

I'm roused from my catnap by the sound of harsh breathing that pierces the darkness. Grunting slightly, my eyes flutter open and I blinked in the semi-darkness at the ceiling realizing we fell asleep on the floor of his hive. I paused for a moment, yawning to collect my thoughts.

That's right, a few hours ago I admitted to Kurloz that I felt we were at the stage of our relationship where I think we could get a bit frisky. He smirked in agreement, hand in hand we walked back to his hive before the rays of the morning sun could come up, early this morning we grabbed a bucket and long story short, we ended up filling more buckets than anticipated. We fell asleep curled up on the ground together.

My heart pounded as I recalled the events from this morning, just a few hours ago. It was so surreal, I didn't think Kurloz could be any more sexy than I thought he was, but then in the late hours of the day, feeling his feral form against mine. I tried as much as I could to contain my breath, but images kept passing back into my mind over and over again, I was beyond excited at this point. My skin felt cool from lying on the ground, since I only had my underwear and bra on, my leo symbol branded on the fabric.

I rolled over on my side to face Kurloz, only to realize that his sleep wasn't as peaceful as mine was. Kurloz groaned in a fitful sleep, his muscles were tense as he shivered uncontrollably to something that was haunting him in his sleep. I bit my lip worriedly, should I wake him? I propped myself up on an elbow thinking that maybe the moment would pass, I watched his form illuminated with the few rays that broke through the curtained window as the sweat beaded on his heaving gray chest. I inched myself closer to him, my face just inches away from his. He was grimacing in his sleep.

A nagging feeling in the back of my mind told me what we did was wrong. My lusus would always tell me as a grub never to sleep outside the recuperacoon, the recuperacoon would help us avoid these sort of situations. But against her will I ignored the warnings and figured just one day wouldn't hurt.

Kurloz breath grew faster as every second passed. I grew anxious just watching him. He rolled on his side, facing away from me. I could hear him mumbling under his breath a garbled language. I reached an uneasy hand closer to his body. "Purrloz?" I whispered to him, but he was unaffected. His body racked with shiver and his garbled speech grew louder. I reached my hand to touch his shoulder and grasped it firmly and reassuringly in my hand.

Kurloz sat up suddenly, his face contorted and he let out an ear-shattering scream drowning out the eerie quiet of the room. It reverberated about the walls at an incredible pitch. I barely had time to clasp my hands over my ears. Even then it did little good as the soundwaves broke into every cell of my eardrum, I cried out in pain as the vibrations in my head turned into intense pain.

Even as the scream subsided my hands pressed against my ears a bit longer. But the intense ringing didn't go away. I could feel a light throbbing in my head signaling the beginning of a massive headache. I felt as a warm liquid splashed onto my hand. My heart pounded, _Blood?_

Kurloz gasped for air beside me, his bloodshot-purple eyes wide with terror. But gradually his pupils constricted to normal size. His body relaxed, and suddenly he turned and his disoriented mind registered I was there. But as he saw my blood-accumulating hands cupped against my ears the terror-stricken look came back in his eyes. He spoke but no words came. I watched as his lips moved soundlessly.

My body froze, I slowly dropped my hands to my lap. My eyes trained on him. His lips moved again, his mouth forming the shape it would to say my name, but all I could hear was endless ringing.

My lower lip quivered. "Kurloz" the vibrations in my throat were the only sign that told me that I was indeed talking. "I can't hear you". _I'm deaf_.

(The next chapter will be a Kurloz POV...stay tuned)


	3. Kurloz's POV

(With Kurloz, I didn't think he was a mime/clown before the accident, therefore he has no face makeup and he doesn't dress the same, I've tried to explain this fact in my writing if you notice it. Also, after the accident, I tried to convey that he acts similar to Gamzee since he is a juggalo/mime like his dancestor. I must warn you now. Prepare for feels _ )

_I lounged in a room compartment below the deck of the ship, sitting on my bunk and sipping a faygo through a straw. I didn't really like to take my stitches off, because its more uncomfortable to undo the stitching so at best I leave them on just about always, except for when I need to eat._

_I haven't communicated with Meulin in a while. Our conversations have been short and generic. It's been like that recently for some reason. I guess things have changed, which sucks because I think about her everyday she's a motherfucking miracle._

_What also sucks (Since I have nothing to do but sit around and drink faygo or maybe make some simple hand gestures and have brief conversations with the other trolls now and again) I've finally cracked and remember the first this has all happened._

_The situation is not a big deal in itself. I didn't talk to much of the trolls when I could previously speak anyways, and Meulin and I having our secret language is the shit. But to this day I still regret having hurt Meulin, I knew as a higher blood color than her I could get away with bossing her around and even mistreating her, but I would never lay a hand on her. Turns out I didn't have to lay a hand on her and I still managed to destroy her ability to hear. As a highblood, I should have known that I have instinctually violent behavior. But what I regret even more is having to distance myself from Meulin, and while we are very close, I haven't been as close to her as I would like._

_My relentless_ _memory ended up winning the battle and I succumbed to it_

_/_

Her words were like a knife through my chest, my nightmares have disappeared from my memory only to manifest itself physically in a way I could never forget it.

I crawled over to her and took her hand in mine, the way her lip trembled and how broken she looked shattered my heart to pieces. "Meulin, you can't hear me at all?" She looked back at me uncomprehendingly "KURLOZ…I…I CAN'T…" her voice was loud as if trying to hear herself and quivering as she spoke. I released her hand, letting mine fall to the ground. I couldn't stand to look at her face, my gaze dropped to the floor because I was unable to stand seeing her big and sad kitten eyes.

Forever. I scarred her forever and I can never fix it. I felt sick to my stomach that I would do that to her. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and felt as streaks of hot tears trailed down my face. "It's all my fault, I whispered. Meulin wrapped her arms around me. Her warm skin blanketed my bare body. "It's okay Purrloz. I'm okay. Everything is going to be okay" Her voice was loud but gentle as she ran her fingers through the tangles of my hair.

"No. It won't be. I can't forgive myself for this!" She continued to stroke my hair, and I felt disgusted, disgusted that I could hear myself talk when she could not. I extricated myself from her embrace, pushing her away by her shoulders, but my hands remained on her shoulders as I looked into her face. "I can't be the only one unscarred, if I did this to you, then I have to ruin myself to pay the price for this". She responded by tilting her head in confusion.

With that I got up and navigated my way towards the dresser. I opened each one furiosly digging through them, throwing articles of clothing as I went; one of which was a macabre skeleton shirt that I have not even worn. Finally, my hand touched a clear container and I opened it and rifed through its contents until my hand touched a cool, sleek piece of metal.

With my other hand I grabbed some black string and then looked up at my haunting reflection in the mirror. My hands clenched tightly around a needle and thread. My eyes were wild and my hair was a thick mess that was in sweaty, damp clumps. I touched my clear gray face and my fingers pressed daintily against my lips.

"This is the last time I talk, if Meulin can't hear, than I shouldn't be able to speak". With shaking fingers I looped the string through the eye of the needle and tied a knot and the end before watching as my hand went ever closer to my distressed face. I pressed it's point to the right end of my lower lip.

Meulin materialized beside me, "Kurloz?" She mewled. In that moment I pressed the sharp tip into my flesh. I hissed as violet liquid spurted out. Gnashing my teeth together I pressed the needle in and all the way through my bottom lip. Already it stung like hell, my eyes watered, with quivering hands I pressed the bloodstained needle into my upper lip.

Meulin gripped my left arm furiously "Stop! What are you doing?" The needle broke through my upper lip and I groaned softly as I began to pull the rest of the string through the holes I made. I hissed louder as the sliding made a fiery agony streaming in its wake.

I heard Meulin gasp as I punctured through my top lip again. I squeezed my eyes tightly and my other hand turned to a fist as I did it again, Meulin whined loudly "Kurloz! Your hurting yourself! Stop!"

Through my upper lip and speared through my bottom lip, my blood cover hand trembled, agony throbbed under the bloodstained surface of my flesh. "You don't have to do this for me!" Meulin screamed.

Her body leaned against my arm helplessly and her tears wet my shoulder. Despite how much it pained me mentally and physically, I pressed on making the third stitch, growling in agony. Meulin struggled, pulling my arm trying to get me to stop. I looked at her form in the mirror, "Meulin, let me go!" I gently pushed her away "I have to do this!" I said trying to get her to understand as much as possible, mumbling through the unstitched half of my mouth. The fiery pain only escalated when I tried to talk and I had to gasp for air just to avoid passing out. I watched her look at me one last time before shaking her head and turning away from me.

My arm shakily guided the needle into the fourth stitch, by this point the my purple blood was splattered on my chin, on the surface of my dresser, and to the floor.

I stopped a moment, letting go of the needle to let it hang limply in the air from my face. I dizzily watched the instrument spin in a circle before I shut my eyes. I have to finish this, I scolded myself. With that I reopened my eyes and and pressed on.

Every second lasted forever as I forced the needle through a fifth time. At one point I might have passed out for a split second, I could only manipulate the needle with great difficulty, my lips were racked with a stinging sensation I could barely handle it at this point. I was completely broken, but so close, with one last stitch remaining I began to make the final two punctures. I broke through the skin for the last stitch, dragging what's left of the skin through.

I exhaled in relief although the pain was far from gone. I still felt shaky and my pulse was beating through each inch of my skin, I could hear blood rushing in my ears. My body was still crying out from the chaos.

I turned away from the mirror to see Meulin sitting on the floor with her legs tucked up to her chest. She sobbed softly into her folded arms. I kneeled down in front of her and tapped her shoulder, she looked up at me with a defeated look in her eyes.

"Why did you do that?" She said in a tone that she probably meant to be a whisper. I touched her green-tinted cheek. My thumb dried the tears from the corner of her eyes. _Don't cry Meulin,_ I leaned in to kiss her. I could barely pucker my lips and it stung fiercely as they came in contact with hers. But in that moment my heart raced. It made me forget the pain and everything that happened. Today is a day that I needed to forget.


	4. An attempt at happiness

I shivered slightly, whether it was from the chill of a breeze that swept across my skin or from the end of my story, I don't know. I felt absolutely heartbroken, it has been such a long time since that day, yet it hurt as bad as the day that every detail was fresh to my senses.

Nevertheless, as harrowing as my mental state was I remained calm and composed for my dear dancestor. A gentle smile crossed my lips as I watched the sky transition to darkness. "He broke up with me soon after, to my dismay. But we were still furrends. He's still my best furrend, actually" I restrained myself from frowning, realizing I haven't seen my 'best furrend' in a while.

Beside me I heard Nepeta sniffle and I turned to see her big sad kitten eyes watering with the threat of tears. "I...wow...I'm so sorry how did you even..." her voice broke slightly and I watched a small iridescent green tear slip down to her cheek. I spoke calmly as my hand brushed against her cheek to wipe the streak away, "Don't cry, Nepeta". She visibly relaxed but she still looked anxious, I could see her eyes brimming with sadness. "I know, it's just...my relationship problems seem so trivial, Meulin". I shook my head "Nonsense. You of all people should know theres no such thing as a trivial relationship".

Nepeta looked down at the wood of the ship, letting her claws trace into the bark absentmindedly. "Well yeah, but the way you speak about Kurloz and what he did fur you, you two love each other so much. I could nefur have that with Karkat. I...I barely spoke to him. He probably doesn't even like me". I grimaced and hugged Nepeta tightly "Aw, kitten. You can't know fur sure if you don't try. Maybe Karkat just needs to know you better. Maybe you should allow him to see who you are inside". Nepeta shrugged "I guess. But it doesn't matter, I'm dead".

I let Nepeta go from the hug as I pondered this for a moment. I sighed "Look down there", Nepeta blinked in confusion before turning her eyes to the ocean below. I looked down to see a rippling, blurred image of myself and Nepeta staring back at me from below. Scattered around us were bobbing sparkles that twinkled in the rippling sea, the stars reflected in the water's surface.

I watched my lips move "I don't know what to make of our death either, but I think we look very much alive. I feel very much alive. I'm sure there are things we can do that can't even be stopped by our death. Don't you think so?" I watched Nepeta's rippling head nod in agreement before turning my eyes back to her real face.

Nepeta looked up at me and sighed "Okay, I guess your right, I'll see if I can get into some confursation with Kakitty". I beamed with happiness, my tail lashing about excitedly "You two are going to be purrfect for each other, I just know it!" She blushed again and I could feel my heart melt. Then her face dimmed again. "But what about you Meulin, You're not going to go out with Kurloz? You love him very much. I'm pawsitive that he loves you too".

I frowned "It doesn't matter anymore. We're both d-" I caught myself before I could say dead, but Nepeta gave me a mischievious smile "Look whose being a hypurrcrite now! I doubt that could stop you! I bet if you just asked him, if you just tried, he would say yes."

I held my breath. Rekindle my relationship with Purrloz? The idea hadn't crossed my mind. I had accepted my fate as being just friends But now, could it be possible? Does he love me enough to forget our past and take me back? I felt my heart quicken. "Well, I haven't been honest with you Nepeta we haven't spoken recently, I don't know what it is but I guess me and Kurloz are just drifting apart" Nepeta placed a hand on my shoulder, her confident smile beaming at me "That's okay, I'm sure there are things that you can still do. Besides, you two are purrfect fur each other!" She gave me a sly wink.

I laughed, "You've done well, young grasshoppurr. The student has become the master". Nepeta giggled and hugged me one last time before leaping onto the ship's deck and waving farewell to me "Thank you so much Meulin, I guess I'll go and think about what to do next. Maybe summon up some brafurry" With that she took off, humming sweetly into the night.

I looked up at the twinkling night sky. With the rhythmic thrums of my heart, I knew what the right thing to do was. I turned away from the ocean, facing what was to be my attempt at happiness.


	5. A Day to Remember

I sighed, tossing another faygo into a trashcan overfilling with empty cans of the stuff. This is the unhappiest I've been in a while, why did I decide to breach my archive of destructive memories? I've practically destroyed my mind as if I've taken several beatings to the head with a juggalo pin. I groaned into the empty room feeling ever more lonely than before. My Meulin, how I miss her. I wish I could have her back. But every time the longing in my heart would just about win out, morbid flashes of memory would snatch it back into the cold abyss.

Just as I was about to grab another can of faygo and abscond from this room, a ceaseless pounding came at my door. My hand froze midgrab, who could it possibly be? I got up and walked toward the door.

I was more than shocked to see Meulin gasping for breath at my doorway, I blinked in confusion, what could she possibly want? Meulin spoke in between raspy breaths "KURLOZ...I NEED...TO TALK...TO YOU!"

I nodded and beckoned for her to walk into the small cubicle of a room, she walked in and I shut the door behind her, then I turned to face her for the first time in a while.

She was standing a bit far from me, a noticeable gap between us. We just looked at each other in silence.

I broke the quietness _'What? Something wrong?'_ I gestured with my hands. I watched her face, I couldn't read its expression except a feeling of urgency. Her hands moved into action, _'No. I feel we need to-communicate. Only that'_. I nodded and took a deep breath _'tell me'_. I pressed an index finger to my lips, propelling it forward and then pointing the finger to my chest.

So Meulin began, saying she had a talk with her dancestor. They shared happy moments and laughed, getting along very well. Kind of like me and my dancestor, okay, not much like us at all. Gamzee and I are deep into our Juggalo faith, making plans for the future of trollkind, doing some wicked serious shit. My mind snapped back to the event at hand. Turns out, there was more to their conversation, something deep.

I could hear Meulin sigh deeply, what was probably not meant to be loud as she signed the next part. _'Kurloz. I know I love you still'._

Her words hit me like a juggalo pin to the heart. All this, because she wanted to tell me she still loves me. She watched my face to gauge my reaction but I honestly have no idea what I'm feeling right now. She signed again _'I want us together'_. My palms grew sweaty, my heart pounding so loud that I was glad that Meulin couldn't hear it, then instantly hating myself for feeling glad about that. I shook my head and my hands furiously.

_'Meulin, you know why we can't. I hurt you. If I hurt you again, it could-be worse'_ I felt my heart shatter as simultaneously as hers _'We-are dead. If-you die again, if-I accidently kill you, you would-be gone forever'_. I shook from the sick feeling in my gut and saw that Meulin was upset, arms crossed over her chest. Her arms uncrossed in defiance _'I don't care! I want-to die! I hate everything! I want us like before'_ She continued to sign similar things in rapid pace, her teeth forming into a sneer. I shook my head _'Meulin no! I'd hate myself if-you die!'_. She hissed, holding back tears _'forget it!_' she signed furiosly pushing past me and bolting out the door.

I was shoved against the wall as she stormed past the doorway and slammed the door shut. I leaned against the wall, wounded more in soul than body. I hated myself, more than anything I wanted her back, but at what price? Meulin hated me, but she is alive and in good health. That's all I could ever want after all. I leaned on the wall confident in my decision.

There was a loud thunk that came from above,what was that? I ran out the door and went above to the top deck of the ship. I found Meulin on the floor in to middle of the ship's deck, sobbing into the night.

I ran over to her and kneeled down beside her, shaking her shoulder. She turned her face to look up at me. I brushed the hair from her eyes, signing the words _'Don't cry'_.

From below I could hear other trolls that were roused from their activities and running up to investigate the noise, but I was barely aware as they came up to watch us.

Meulin signed up at me _'I'm sad. It-worse than death to be unhappy, than to-die happy'_ Her eyes stared into my very core as she signed _'I love you Kurloz. You love me still?'_ I gathered her body onto my lap, holding her close with one arm as I tried my best to sign with the other _'You doubt-that I love you? Meulin, I love you so much. I never stopped loving you'_

Her face broke into a smile, a smile of joy and of relief. I took her hand in mine, I didn't have to speak it as I looked into her eyes, I knew we were together again.

At the edges of my consciousness I noticed the onlookers have gathered around to watch us. But I ignore them. I cling to what I know, and never let go. Meulin, I said I'd never let you down, even though I did, but I said I'd never let you fall and I meant it. You'll always find me right here again.

I thought to myself of all the lost days without her, and how my heart ached. I touched my hand to Meulin's face. I swear, come tomorrow this will all be in our past. It might be for the best.

I pressed my lips to hers and she kissed me back, it hurt to fight against the stitches, but this felt all too right, with that kiss our transition into the rest of our death was a day to remember.

**END**

(Well, I don't know about how you were reading this but it was pretty intense to write and my head was just so into the ending, it was so real that it was unreal. I worked really hard on this and this is the first time I've completed a coherent story :D. If you were wondering how the title sounds familiar its from one of my favorite bands, I also used some of the lyrics in there, too. I have too many feels right now, my life is crazy with feels. Okay, thats enough about me thank you for reading to the end!)


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